And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
