Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
