This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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