just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize