matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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