Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
