she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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