i jhust puked up my retainher.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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