see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
