Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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