Don't you send me to vm
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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