Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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