do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
