God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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