Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.