youre lurking in front of me
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.