Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
