No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
