I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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