I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
