I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So squirting runs in the family.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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