I just cut my nipple shaving
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
