Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
