it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
