Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
