I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
