i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
