Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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