I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
