She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
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