Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
