Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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