dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
