Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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