There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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