waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
bring money and cleavage
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
