Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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