he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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