Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
