The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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