Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize