I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
