You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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