I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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