do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
