It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
