Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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