Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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