Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
