How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
