Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
