I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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