Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Lo siento on account of my penis...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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