No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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