you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
is wine microwaveable?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
