Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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