You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Are we still banned from the library?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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