What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize