Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
