how can u be prego again
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize