I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
