god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She is in my trunk
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
